We've just been consulted again. Fancy those people with letters after their names wanting to know what we ordinary folks think.

And they want to spend money in my town, doing it up, giving it a makeover, bringing it into the 21st century.

Well it just doesn't get any better, does it?

Ah me. We had a different lot down a couple of years ago.

What do you need to make the seafront a vibrant exciting place full of activities and little destinations and viewpoints and community involvement?

Well, we said, more toilets would be nice. Improvements to the other services would be good, some electrical points, water, drainage here and there, perhaps a little arena with anchor points for putting up a temporary building we could take down again before the winter storms?

But, they said, we were thinking of something more playful, themed activity locations, jazz it up a bit. Don't worry about that, we said. Cornwall's full of creative people who can do that sort of thing in their sleep. We don't need to be jollied from the outside, just given the ground-work so we can use our own imagination.

Hmm, they said, wrote it all down and went away. We haven't seen them since. We'd been consulted, but sadly we'd given the wrong answer.

Being consulted isn't an open-ended process at all. It's more like one of those stalls in a fair where there are lots of keys to the cupboard with the prize, and you have to pick the right one. Or being asked if you want a final cigarette before the firing squad gets to work. You have a choice.

Up until the 1970s public works were decided by the great and the good and the only role for the general public was to applaud the result.

But since then no scallywag with a pocket-full of funding has ever failed to consult the local community.

It's an art form. There are serious looking men in suits, nice intelligent girls with degrees and clipboards, big displays, vision statements. It makes you feel quite important.

So you give them lots of insider information about your local area, which they'll later sell back to you in the first 20 pages of their glossy document. You tell them what your community actually needs and they write it down.

You may get a hint from the questions they ask what their agenda really is. From experience it's never anything useful like toilets or electric points but something more pleasing to the eye.

And what's the fun for them in hearing that you want something which will enable local people to find work and affordable housing in their own place? They've heard all that before.

What about some nice bits of garden, a holiday route, some street furniture, a few bits of extra signage? That's what was in their pockets when they arrive, and will be there when they leave.

Thanks for asking.